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ACT THREE, SCENE TWO
THE LOVERS’ QUARREL
Oberon and Puck meet in the same part of the wood.
Oberon
Here’s my messenger. How now, mad spirit?
Puck
My mistress with a monster is in love!
While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,
A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,
Were met together to rehearse a play.
Upon one clumsy oaf I fixed a donkey’s head
And in that moment (so it came to pass)
Titania waked and straightway loved an ass.
Oberon
O, this has turned out better than I hoped.
And have you yet bewitched the Athenian’s eyes
With the love-juice as I did bid you do?
Puck
I found him sleeping – that is finished, too.
Demetrius and Hermia enter.
Oberon
Stand close; this is the same Athenian.
Puck
This is the woman, but not this the man.
Demetrius
Why are you cruel to one who loves you so,
And speak as if I were a bitter foe?
Hermia
If you have killed Lysander in his sleep,
Then take your sword and plunge it in my heart.
If he is dead, I do not wish to live.
Demetrius
I have not killed him, though if he were here
I’d take my sword and cut him ear to ear.
Hermia
Wicked Demetrius, now I will go.
See me no more, whether he be dead or no.
Hermia leaves.
Demetrius
O, I am weary from this pointless chase.
I’ll lay me down to sleep in this leafy place.
Demetrius goes to sleep.
Oberon
What mistake is this? Puck, what have you done?
Some other eyes, some other heart is won.
About the wood go swifter than the wind
And Helena of Athens look thou find.
By some illusion see thou bring her here,
I’ll charm his eyes until she does appear.
Oberon anoints Demetrius’s eyes. Puck returns,
followed by Helena and Lysander.
Puck
Helena, I bring to thee
And the youth mistook by me.
Oberon
Stand aside. The noise they make
Will cause Demetrius to awake.
Lysander
Why must you think I play a trick on you?
Are not these tears the proof my love is true?
Helena
It is not true, for yesterday your heart
Was pledged to Hermia, is that not so?
Lysander
If I loved her I was not in my mind!
Helena
You have lost it indeed to speak like this.
Lysander
Demetrius loves her, and he loves not you.
Demetrius wakes up and sees Helena.
Demetrius
O Helena, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!
To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?
O princess fair, give me your hand to kiss;
Send me forever to a place of bliss!
Helena
O spite! O hell! I see you are all bent
To set against me for your merriment.
To vow, to swear, and superpraise my parts
When I am sure you hate me with your hearts.
Lysander
You are unkind, Demetrius, be not so –
For you love Hermia, this you know I know,
And I will give up Hermia’s love to thee
If you will leave sweet Helena to me.
Demetrius
Lysander, keep thy Hermia, I will none.
If e’er I loved her, all that love is gone.
Hermia arrives, and rushes to Lysander.
Hermia
Thank the gods I’ve found you safe and well,
Your absence from me was a living hell.
Lysander
A hell it was if I had stayed with you!
Hermia
You do not know what you are saying, dear.
Helena
She is a willing part of their cruel game.
Ungrateful Hermia, have you forgot
The friendship we have known since we were young?
Like sisters have we been, loyal and true,
But now unkindness is your only gift.
Hermia
Helena, I am amazed at your words.
It is not I but you who are unkind.
Helena
Then why should these two men who love you, plead
False love for me but by your own command?
Hermia
I understand not what you mean by this.
Helena
Continue your pretence. Make faces now
At me behind my back. Yes, have your fun;
This maid has had enough. Farewell, false friends!
Lysander
Stay gentle Helena, do not go,
You are my life, my love, my heart, my soul!
Hermia
Lysander, do not tease her – it is cruel.
Demetrius
His love is false; all mine I pledge to you.
Lysander
Then draw your sword and we will see who’s true.
Hermia
No, no, my love, I will not let you fight!
Lysander
Let go of me, you hag, and leave my sight.
Hermia
O Helena, what have you done, you thief?
You have stolen the heart that should be mine!
Helena
I have done nothing wrong, deserve no blame,
’Tis you, and they, who play this vicious game.
Hermia
Vicious? Why, I will show you vicious, maid!
Hermia runs at Helena.
Helena
Gentlemen, save me, though you mock me still.
When she is angry, she is keen and shrewd.
She was a vixen when she went to school,
And though she be but little she is fierce.
Hermia
Take that back or I will come at thee!
Lysander (to Hermia)
Get you gone, you pipsqueak, you vile thing!
Demetrius
Nay, I shall be the one to take her part.
Lysander
Think you so? Then let us fight a duel
Elsewhere, and you may prove yourself to me!
Demetrius
Agreed! The winner shall have Helena’s hand.
Demetrius and Lysander leave together
with swords drawn.
Hermia
You, mistress! This is all because of you!
Helena
I will not stay to let you scratch my face,
But run away from this unhappy place.
Helena runs off.
Hermia
I am amazed and know not what to say.
Hermia walks off.
Oberon
This is your doing, O mischievous sprite!
Something must be done to put things right.
Bring down a mist about this wood so thick
That none shall see their hand before their face.
Puck
With false calls I will lead each man astray,
So none be harmed on this midsummer’s night.
Oberon
When they at last do fall asleep, this herb
Into Lysander’s eye do crush it well.
Its juice will right the wrong that has been done,
And when the lovers wake and meet at dawn
It shall be as if they had but dreamt a dream.
Go, work your magic on these mortals, Puck.
I’ll to the Fairy Queen, demand the boy,
And lift the love charm from her eyes. Haste!
Puck and Oberon leave.